Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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