I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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