Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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