the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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