U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
