Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
