Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
