What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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