he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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