Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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