she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
