Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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