She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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