Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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