I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
