I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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