Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize