a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
