Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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