She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
