Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize