benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
