There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
