I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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