soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
