If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
