You can't motorboat a personality
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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