just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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