2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
