i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
