I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He has the fingertips of a God
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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