I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
