its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
