make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My dick has a subreddit
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
