Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
