How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
what day is it and did you see me today?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
