Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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