he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
