this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
