You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You were trust falling into bushes
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
