I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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