my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It all started with a game of naked twister.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
