can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
