It's like God shit irony all over that family
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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