Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
