I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i barfeds in our rink
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
