My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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