dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
