Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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