Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
