He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
