We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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