Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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