Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
