garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
