Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Randomize
