I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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