Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
