also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
