I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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