I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
