we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
All I want is dick and wine.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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