I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
