We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If I die, sorry about rent.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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