I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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