I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
