I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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