I'm lost and stupid without you.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
